Disconnecting & Staying Connected

OK, I think all bets are off on directly addressing the pandemic and the situation across the world, here in the States, and for me specifically, here in Chicago. I won’t be addressing anything medical or news related, but I’ll be focusing on something I believe many are realizing. The importance of connections.

Literally 1 week before the true wave of social distancing took off (and before the NBA and all other major sports shut down, followed by federal & state shelter in place recommendations), I left my job of 4 years, what seems like a lifetime in Millennial tenure. I bring this up, because it was an incredibly difficult decision. I have made lifelong friends over the course of my tenure, and some that I even consider family now. I had never experienced human connections at that level at any other job I’ve had. At least, certainly not to that extent. And while I spent the last 3 nights out with many colleagues & friends, I had realized that I was burnt out. Mostly professionally, but enough that I was feeling it mentally, socially, emotionally. I decided to take 5 weeks off, a decision that I can say, 3 weeks in, was correct, but I also decided to just, shut down and be away for a while. No social media, no friends Slack. And for a week it was working out great! I was working out every day, I started working on this site and my Youtube channel, I kicked off a podcast. All of this was happening at my pace, on my time, and I wasn’t going to force it.

It’s crazy because I feel like so quickly I was starting to rejuvenate my mind. The creative spark is starting to grow into an ember, and I hope to continue to fan the flame. I wasn’t completely off the grid, I visited a couple friends that were also off work, I texted people back, and I figured I would continue to do just that. Disconnect, but remain connected to people on a more personal basis. It felt like it was going to work. And then March 13th. Not every state in the US, and other countries had already done it, but it feels like that day many states declared a state of emergency. Weekend plans fell through, and many of my friends responsibly cancelled any St Patty’s day plans. A situation that no one in my life, or in their lives, had ever experienced. It felt impossible to remain disconnected. Almost irresponsible, even, in my mind.

So I began checking in via text. I started logging back in to slack. Everyone has their social media platform vice of choice, mine happens to be Twitter. It’s highly curated, I have most political things muted (I inform myself in other ways), so for the most part it’s not too bad an experience. It didn’t matter. Everyone was talking about SARS Cov2, otherwise known as the corona virus. Did you read this article about how long it lives on surfaces? How long is this going to last? What does this mean for my wedding/birthday/graduation/vacation? Am I going to lose my job? How can I stay safe working at a grocery store/clinic? Why aren’t people taking this seriously? Why are people overreacting? Why are some of my friends not taking this seriously? What kind of toll is this going to take on my mental health? How can my immunocompromised family/friends stay safe AND get the care they need? How am I going to pay rent? Can you spare some cash to support this fundraiser for shut down restaurants? The questions and concerns are endless.

I won’t sugar coat it, it’s not pretty right now, and by all expert accounts, the economic fallout is going to be rough. But there’s also a lot of positive gathering of community (albeit over the internet) which has been very cool to see. And then the mood is brought back down to earth with a post about some billionaires net worth, the care or lack-thereof of employees deemed essential. It’s not everyone, but for every positive piece of news there seems to be an accompanying 2 pieces bad ones. Now, my intent here is not to downplay the importance of the work being done or the seriousness of concerns being raised. I simply am trying to get a lay of the land, and how that’s affecting people. If you’re feeling sad, that’s ok. If you’re feeling fine, that’s also ok. Or maybe you’re like me, and you aren’t really feeling anything yet, that’s also OK (or so I tell myself). I was, however, in just one week, starting to feel the effects of information overload, risking losing the progress I had already made.

So many things to care about, so many things to be angry at, so many things to try and support. It’s tried and true, burn both ends of the candle, you will burn out. So I nipped it in the bud. This time, I soft disconnected again. When I left my job, I told my friends that I had every intent to take some time away, they were aware, but knew I could still be reached out to directly. Not last week. Instead I opted to pick and choose how much news I consumed, how much Twitter I was reading, and mostly shut off Slack again (to my friends I share Slack groups with, it truly is not personal). I texted friends, still participated in any remote dinners/brunch/happy hours with friends and family, generally still available to personal contact.

Balance. I’m not going to pretend that I am the greatest at taking a balanced approach to most things, but I am making a concerted effort these days. I’m also not saying this is a one size fits all, I’m just sharing because 1. this blog is sort of starting to serve as a public journal of sorts, and 2. perspective from people that aren’t celebrities or large internet personalities are important, I want to hear from my friends as well so if I share, maybe you will too.

And the biggest thing that’s helping me keep that balance, is remaining connected to people. The collective of news/social media as a whole, is not people. That’d be adjacent to what Romney said about companies. As a collective, they are not. Social media and news is comprised OF people, sure, but CNN is not a person. Twitter is not a person. Fox News is not a person. So, disconnect. Be responsible with how and when you consume. If a friend is sending you articles, you decide how best to handle, but depending on the situation and where it’s sent, I simply don’t engage at times (eg: a news article sent to slack I’ll ignore, if someone texts me directly I’ll ask them politely but firmly to stop). Stay informed, obviously, but I’m starting to take in just in the morning, and in the evening.

Of course, there’s so much down time right now so what do you do? Stay connected, to people. To the people that will call you out, who you can call out, the ones who truly have your back. I promise you that each and every one of you has at least 1 person that has your back. That’s all we can really do these days, have each others backs. So shoot the shit, get your social doses in the size that’s right for you. Don’t feel pressured to be on the 2 hour video chat for it’s entirety, if 15 min is more your jam, do that. Talk about the shows you’re watching. Play video games with each other. Start a book club. Share some playlists. No one knows what exactly the future holds, but human history has taught us that the only thing that truly matters, are the connections we have with each other. And the people that you are connecting with right now outside of work things, I’d bet you will share an eternal bond with.

THAT, is what’s keeping me calm. Yes, I get frustrated, I get sad, I get angry, but staying connected, overall, it’s keeping me going. Disconnect, and stay connected.

But that’s just me.